Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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