a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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