it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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