considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
