o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
