Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
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The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
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Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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