well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
