sarcasm needs its own font
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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