That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
