i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Houston, we have a blender
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
