I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
