whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
