all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The power of my boobs compel you
Randomize
