In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
