i just wanna soil my oats bro
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
