shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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