She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
