We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
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My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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