Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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