this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
