i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I still have a little drunk in my system
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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