i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
