If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
