she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
