i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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