Your tits are I can't wait for
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
