I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
