Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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