you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
