I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
