I think I died a long time ago.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
