I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
