So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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