So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
