FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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