hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
