Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
