I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
