there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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