pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
