Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
