I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
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The feeling are messing with the penis
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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