I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize