There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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