Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
