Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
