I hate your face
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
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