Christians are straight up FREAKS
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
