From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
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