she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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