Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
