The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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