i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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