piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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