I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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