Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
